Hi rayslounge, I'm new to this forum and just seen your post which really resonated with me! How are things going now? Are the boundaries working? I'm in a very similar situation but further down the line: we're married now but only been together 1.5yrs. His autistic son is 12 and with us every other weekend (I have no children and always been very independent). Especially since we've been married he's been v keen for us to be this happy little nuclear family and thinks as I'm now a stepmum I should behave in a certain way, doing everything together etc. His son is v sweet but I def don't feel like his 'mum'. It seems that he wants me to do all the caring mum stuff, but only if it fits with their well-established routines and likes. Once or twice I have done my own thing when his son is visiting, but I know my husband wouldn't like it if I done it too often. This is v difficult for me as I like my own space and feel claustrophobic with other people's expectations on how I should fit into some 'norm'. On a positive note, I feel that - with honest and caring conversations - we will eventually relax more into our own dynamic and find our groove. So hang in there! :-)